there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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