I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
