I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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