He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
