Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
