sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I have post one night stand depression
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
