9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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