I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
