I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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