READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
