he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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