Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
