got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
