Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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