I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
