Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Alive.
So much puke
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
