Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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