your thong is hanging out like whoa
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
