The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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