I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
