It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
