Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
tell me about the eggs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
