Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
