Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
