and next time when you feel me up, do it right
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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