So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
