I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
