Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
