Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
