I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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