my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
