Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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