He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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