you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
