Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
