I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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