so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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