Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
