I didn't shave. On purpose
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
