so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
