Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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