I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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