Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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