Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
