Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just gift wrapped bread.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
