...so i touched it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
