I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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