Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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