Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
