i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
