I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
