uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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