Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
